I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The air taste purple.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
