are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
