Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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