yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
