Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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