just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize