I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
