apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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