Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
