explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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