You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
