Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
