But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
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Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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