I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
