I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
