Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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