just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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