Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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