I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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then he tried to convert me to islam
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize