I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
