Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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