FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
