Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize