margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
