he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
