Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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