we have officially lost it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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