The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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