your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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