I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
