Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
