I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
