Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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