I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
