The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
