dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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