When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
