its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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