he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
