don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
