I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
