we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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