My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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