He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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