Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
