I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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