being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
