rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize