woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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