dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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