I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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