I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
