Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
