I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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