You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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