just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's like God shit irony all over that family
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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