so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
